Recursivity
by dakota423
Summary: This wasn't how it was supposed to have happened. Thrown together in the aftermath of "Journey's End", the Metacrisis Doctor and Rose Tyler must figure out how to move on and into their new lives with each other.
1. Chapter 1

**AN: I can't believe I've done it, but yeah, I jumped into another sandbox. This is just a little one-shot, nothing much. But I had thoughts of how this scene would go, and so I wrote it up. Please enjoy.**

This wasn't how it was supposed to have turned out.

She wasn't supposed to be standing on this godforsaken beach — again — without him — _again._ She had spent so long, spent so much time trying to get back to him, to her Doctor, and now she was back to where she had started. Ground Zero. Alone.

But the warm hand in hers said otherwise.

They'd said they were the same man. Same memories, same thoughts. The same feelings. They looked the same, had the same endearing smile, the same darkness in their eyes. And yet, it wasn't her Doctor. This was a substitute, her mind raged. A copy. But the feel of his hand was the same, if a little warmer, a little clammier, and he looked down at her with the same warmth in his eyes. And this Doctor had said it. The copy had been the one to say the words she'd longed to hear. It was him that she had kissed, and it had felt right.

Rose put a hand to her head and took a deep breath. She hadn't looked at him since they'd started walking down the beach towards the little hamlet nearby. Her mother was on the phone talking to Pete, prattling on about how they'd just avoided the end of the world and could he please just send a zeppelin? Rose wished she would stop.

She didn't want to hear about it anymore.

How could he have just left? How could he not say goodbye?

The other Doctor's had was still intertwined with hers, warm and slightly sweaty. It wasn't the cool, dry feel of her Doctor's hands, and yet, it felt right. She chanced a glance at his face, and found that he was watching his feet, his brows furrowed. He seemed lost in thought, but when he noticed her looking at him, his head turned and he flashed her a small smile and squeezed her hand. Her heart contracted in her chest.

They're the same, she thought. But how was she supposed to reconcile that in her heart? What were they supposed to do, start over? She felt her brows knit together in frustration, and she sighed again. Next to her, the Doctor slowed to a stop, and she stopped with him.

"Rose…" He fidgeted and let go over her hand and shoved his into his pockets. "Are you alright? With all this?"

She bit her lip and ducked her head, not quite sure what to say. "Dunno," she mumbled. At least it was the truth. She didn't know. He seemed okay with the answer though, and he nodded.

"I am him, y'know," he said. "Everything he is, I am. Feelings and all." He reached out and took her hand in his. "I love you, Rose Tyler."

She felt unwilling tears pool in her eyes as her heart leaped to her throat. Of course he did. She knew that. God, did she know it now. She nodded, choking on unspoken words. It was all wrong. This wasn't him. Not the one she wanted, the one she'd risked her life to reach.

So why was she stepping towards him? Why was she pressing her cheek to his chest and letting him wrap his arms around her? Why did it feel so right?

"I know," she muttered. His arms were tight around her, one of his hands gently stroking her back. "I…" But the words wouldn't come. Not yet. Not when he'd just left her. Anger surged through her, but it wouldn't stay. The feel of his long fingers in her hair drove it away.

_It's him._

She sobbed, uncontrollably and without warning. She cried for the loss and the subsequent gain, and he just held her. He didn't speak, but she felt him press his lips to the crown of her head, and it only made her sob harder. How long they stood there, she didn't know, but eventually she pulled away and wiped at her face. He peered down at her with worried brown eyes, his hands unsure of what to do now that she had moved. He settled for his pockets again.

"I'm sorry," she croaked. "But this… it's just so…" She threw her hands into the air. She didn't know what it was anymore. He sighed, looking down at the sand beneath their feet, and then he reached out and brushed at her cheeks with his thumb, wiping away a stray tear. She pressed her face against his palm, unable to stop herself from doing so.

"One day at a time, yeah?" he offered. She let out a shaky breath.

"Yeah."

His thumb brushed her cheek again, and she took his hand and wrapped her fingers around his. One day at a time.

(AN: Please let me know what you thought! Are they in character? Is this any good? Should I continue with it? Let me know!)


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note: Well, some people said they liked it, and my brain decided to follow up with more, so here's more! Enjoy.**

The trip back to London was uneventful. A zeppelin had picked them up in the small Norwegian village nearest Bad Wolf Bay, and once aboard, Rose had excused herself and gone into the bunk room, shutting the door behind her. The Doctor had let her go, knowing that she was exhausted mentally and physically. More so, he knew she needed time to adjust. Blimey, _he_ needed time to adjust.

He sighed and slumped into a chair, feeling exhausted himself. This half-human body was easily taxed, apparently. He turned his nose up at the thought. He wondered what else about this body was more human than Time Lord.

Jackie Tyler interrupted his thoughts with the sound of her cell phone snapping shut. The Doctor looked up and found Rose's mother watching him with a pointed look.

"Yes, Jackie?" He really didn't want to be berated right now, but he started preparing himself for it.

She pursed her lips. "What are you? You're not the Doctor," she said. "Not the real one. So what are you?"

He sighed through his nose and looked at her. "You were there. We've explained it already."

"That was before the Doctor left you here with us."

He tried not to cringe, but the accusation in her voice made it impossible. She'd said 'left,' but she meant 'dumped.'

"I'm a human-Time Lord biological metacrisis -"

"English, if ya don't mind."

He resisted glaring at her. "I'm half human. I explained this on the beach -"

"And I want to hear it again," she snapped. "If my Rose is stuck with looking after you, then I want to know everything."

Her words burned his ears and made his throat tighten. Rose was _stuck_ with him. Rassilon, did the woman know how to grind on his nerves.

"I absorbed some of Donna's humanness when she absorbed my regeneration energy. I'm half human now, with a human lifespan. But I'm still the Doctor. Same mind, same thoughts, same memories." He narrowed his eyes a bit. "The same feelings for your daughter."

They watched each other for a bit, staring each other down, the Doctor daring her to deny his words. Finally, she sighed. For as obnoxious as she was, she was a smart woman.

"I don't quite understand it," she said, flipping open her phone again, "but I believe you." She pressed a button on her phone and held it up to her ear, and as it rang she pointed a painted finger at him. "But if you hurt her in any way -"

He held his hands up, and she nodded in approval.

"Why don't you go get us a cuppa from the galley?" she told him, and then started chattering to whomever was on the other end of the line. For once, the Doctor didn't object to her order. Tea sounded like as good an idea as any. Besides, he needed to do something with his hands before his head exploded.

He had to walk past the bunk room to get to the galley, and he paused at the door to listen for any noise. But Rose was silent, probably asleep. He fought the desire to open the door and find out, and instead hurried to the galley before he changed his mind.

He found the tea stuffs quickly enough, and he put the pot on to boil and found the cups and tea bags and set them on the little table, then slumped into one of the chairs and let his mind wander.

He knew why his other self had left him here, and it wasn't because he had committed genocide. Well, that may have been part of it. But really, he'd been left here as an apology. He was a consolation prize. A bloody 'I'm sorry' present. But then, he couldn't complain about it, because wasn't this a gift to himself, too? The ability and possibility to live out a life he would have never been able to have otherwise? A chance to be with the woman he loved?

But then, the woman he loved seemed to be having trouble believing him. Or rather, she had trouble believing that he was who he said he was.

The Doctor leaned forward and put his face in his hands. He had to find a way to make her believe him, to make her see that he was still the same man, albeit with some slight biological differences.

The teapot began to whistle, and he went to retrieve it from the burner. Footsteps sounded down the hallway and Jackie appeared in the galley door.

"We'll be back to London in a few hours," she said, taking her cup of tea. "You might as well get some rest." She frowned at him. "You look like you're about to fall over. Is that because of the regeneration again?"

The Doctor wiped his hand over his face. "Most likely. And I'm human now -" he tried not to turn up his nose, "- so I probably wear out like you lot do."

Jackie didn't seem to appreciate 'you lot,' but she nodded and sipped at her tea. "I fetched you some blankets and put them on the couch in the main cabin. Go get some rest, Doctor."

He sighed and took a drink of his tea. It burned his mouth - a new sensation - but he swallowed it down like penance.

"Thank you," he mumbled, and Jackie just nodded. He took his tea and left the galley, passing the bunk cabin and forcing himself not to stop and knock. He wanted desperately to touch her again, to feel her warmth seeping into his hand, his lips...

He took a large gulp of his tea to choke the building feeling in his chest. He coughed, unable to breathe for a moment, and when he could again, he shook his head in disbelief. Human respiratory system, too. One heart and no respiratory bypass. He clutched at his chest. His body was completely foreign to him. Just one more thing he had to adjust to.

The Doctor found the couch and sat down on it, downing the rest of his tea. He suddenly felt heavy, unable to move properly. It felt like post-regeneration exhaustion, and it probably was. Setting down his cup, he settled back onto the couch, folding his limbs onto the cushions and pulling the blanket over his body.

He was asleep in seconds.

(Author's Note: Please review and tell me what you thought!)


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note: This one's a short chapter, because this thing is coming to me in bits and pieces. Please enjoy.**

Rose woke to the whine of the landing gear lowering and the engine dying down. She rolled over and wiped at her face, feeling the crust of tears come away with her fingers. She sighed and stood, straightening her shirt before going to the door and poking her head out. The hallway was empty. She could hear her mother talking on her phone in the main cabin, but there was no sound from the Doctor. She frowned, and went down the hall to the bathroom to splash water on her face. The person in the mirror looked tired, and she sighed and dried her hands and went back into the hall. The galley light was on, and in there she found a cold mug of tea, so she popped it into the microwave. As she waited, her brain churned. Her mind was locked on the Doctor. Where was he? Was Donna keeping him safe? She was glad he at least wasn't alone. He had a companion. But the larger problem was somewhere on this zeppelin: the Metacrisis.

She sighed and took her tea from the microwave, sipping it carefully. He was a whole new mystery to figure out. Rose shook her head and left the galley, heading down the hall to the main cabin. She gave her mother a weak smile, and then her eyes drifted to the couch. Her heart leapt to her throat. There he was, long limbs curled on the cushions, a blanket tangled around his skinny frame. His face was slack, but his brows were drawn together in a slight frown. She couldn't help herself; she sat down on the edge of the couch and reached out and brushed the hair back from his forehead. For just a moment, his features softened, and she smiled. Her heart shouted out, _This is him! _and she found herself believing it. Her hand stayed on his temple, and she worried about waking him, but the way he slept told her he wouldn't. This was a post-regeneration sleep. He wouldn't wake for a while. She was fine with that. It gave her time to think.

The zeppelin set down a few hours later outside the Tyler mansion. Rose jolted awake when the engines stopped, and her mother touched her shoulder and walked over to the gangplank, leaving her to wake the Doctor. She looked over at the man on the sofa. One of his arms hung off the couch, and his legs were thrown over the arm so that he looked bent the wrong way. His mouth hung open slightly, and she found herself smiling. He looked so at ease there. So human.

Her brows drew together. He was human now, or at least half human. Still part Time Lord, she reminded herself. He was still the Doctor. Rose sighed and got out of the chair and stretched, working the stiffness out of her neck before moving to the sofa. She leaned down and touched his shoulder, gently shaking.

"Doctor," she said quietly. "Doctor, wake up." Slowly, his brown eyes opened, and when they focused on her face, his mouth spread into a lazy smile.

"Hello," he slurred, and she grinned down at him, unable to help herself.

"We're home," she told him, straightening. "Time to get up."

He nodded and unfolded his lanky form from the sofa. He stood and stretched, groaning as he popped his neck and rolled his shoulders. "Oi," he muttered. "That was simply awful." He looked down at Rose while fixing his suit jacket. "Don't ever let me sleep on the sofa again."

Rose chuckled and nodded, then, without thinking, took his hand. "C'mon," she said. "Let's go inside." He glanced down at their hands and then smiled at her, and she blushed and pulled him towards the gangplank and into the sun.

(Author's Note: Review and let me know if I should continue with this silly thing!)


End file.
